What is Domestic Violence?
The statistics have made it very clear. The probability that you will come across someone that has been exposed to or experienced domestic violence and/or abuse is extremely high. Domestic Violence does not discriminate against age, gender, race, religion or socioeconomic status. It can happen to anyone and at any time. So what is Domestic Violence? It is a pattern of abusive strategies that are used by a perpetrator to inflict harm against another person by sustaining power and control over another. When someone exerts this type of behavior over you, your rights have been violated! It is a crime to inflict this type of suffering over another person! Both women and men can be the victims and may be subjected to psychological/emotional, social, financial, physical and sexual abuse. Domestic violence has been around for ages and it is a national and global epidemic!
Why does this person stay?
Due to modern technology in our modern age, this type of abuse and issues associated with it has been brought into the light and is no longer hidden. Although, there are many services and educational and preventive programs available, many still remain in the dark. Some victims remain in silence for various reasons, which may be difficult to understand. Why does the victim stay? There are often times that the abuser does not allow the victim to leave due to imposing conditioned and manipulative tactics. The perpetrator may use ways of inflicting fear on the individual. Some reasons may include:
- Safety of self and children
- Limited financial resources
- No support system
- Lack of skills to secure work
- Religious beliefs
- An abusive upbringing and not being aware of what is considered a healthy relationship
- Belief that the person may change their abusive behavior
- Shame and judgment placed upon the victim by others
- No knowledge of resources available or where to get help
- Language barriers
- Fear of deportation and or loss of custody
What are the warning signs?
Typically, there are warning signs that are visible and awareness is the key! These symptoms of abuse may start off small and escalate overtime. Unfortunately, it has been known that many who are abused will make several attempts to leave their abuser. Some may not be able to escape this abusive relationship. In some cases the reality of returning to the abuser could lead to further abuse, injury or in some cases death! Various indicators include:
- Verbal/Emotional/Psychological- (name calling and humiliation)
- Injuries/Death- (Infliction of bruises that cannot be explained and depending on the severity may lead to death)
- Threats- (The perpetrator blames the victim for everything and may use a violent temper or exert physical force)
- Controlling behavior/Jealousy (possessive on whereabouts, placing blame on the victim and stalking)
- Isolation- (removed from family and friends so no one is aware of what is really going on)
- Emotional Changes- (Changes in behavior)
- Excuses- (rationalizing the reasons to stay)
Next steps
The cycle is about the manipulator wanting to take power and control. No one has control over you! The secret to ending violence is that it begins with you! When you decide you have enough, you can take control to regain your life and eliminate this destructive downward spiral. It is important to ASK (awareness, skills and knowledge) ourselves what can be done to prevent this abusive cycle from claiming more lives. Become knowledgeable to the warning signs: name calling, unexplained bruises, manipulation, jealousy, isolation, and controlling behavior. So what happens if you find yourself walking on eggshells and in an abusive relationship? Seek immediate help! Look to the guidance of positive support systems and develop your skills in becoming resourceful. There are many supportive services that provide awareness, education and service programs. Develop a safety plan to leave the abusive relationship, explore the legal and financial steps to separate, and reach out to someone you trust. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Do not feel alone! Do not be afraid to speak out because the abuser will not change. Domestic Violence is a crime and bullying is a violation against someone’s rights!
In the book, No Tears Left To Cry by Shirley Hess and Ernest Berlin, Naomi refuses to be manipulated and regains strength to pass on an empowering message of hope: Break the silence! Speak your voice and put an end to domestic violence! You have been chosen to make a difference in someone’s life! Inspire and empower someone today! One person can make a difference! Grow, transform and BELIEVE!
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